Things I learn from Therapy IV

I've already talked about having to talk to a chair. But what about everyone's favorite past-time? Coloring. Yes.

Except this time it wasn't all fun and games and an Aladdin book. It had to do with "feelings". I remember talking a lot about feeling....inhibited. Trying to explain how I supress things wasn't/isn't the easiest thing in the world for me, and trying to reverse my behavior is even harder. But anyway, I always made this motion with my hands when I tried to verbalize it (and couldn't). It was a curl-of-the-fist kind of motion near the pit of my stomach. (general chest/stomach area, whatever).

Eventually I likened it to a ball.
I used to run to an image of like, burning energy or a ball back when I ran every day in the park. It was centered in anger and loathing and it somehow pushed me to keep going. Instead of positive re-enforcement, I would use negativity and ..well..sometimes straight-up yelling as 'inspiration'.
It worked, but it probably wasn't the best motivation techniques.

After talking about this more than once, Tony told me to draw it. Draw what I saw--and what I felt. So I did. This is quality stuff, here.
I honestly felt really dumb the whole time, but it was kind of fun. I didn't really gain anything from these drawings, though. Just being able to visualize 'feelings' is useful, though. In theory.