Day 10--First love and first kiss
I'm skipping Day 09 with this "Discuss your future" business. How the hell do I know? Stop taunting me 30- day challenge! I'll come back to that you.
I didn't have my first kiss 'til I was 15 or 16, while most of my normally or otherwise well-socialized friends had already dated. Nope, not me. I spent a good chunk of my life thinking there was something wrong with me, physically or otherwise because no one would ever bother. I still have this problem from time to time.
My first kiss was kind of awful, actually.
It was my first 'real date' with my first (soon to be) 'real' boyfriend, David. We had been hanging out a while before then, otherwise I would have been completely mortified by his forward-ness (and over-eagerness). I pretty much don't do first-date kissing, that just doesn't happen unless it's a phenomenal first date (and im not a nervous wreck). And it wasn't that good of a date.
The kiss was too scripted, too expected: your standard at-the-door-good night kiss. I was nervous, but only because it was my first kiss, otherwise I was perfectly fine. I remember hopping into my mom's bed after I got home to tell her how it went, but I didn't tell her about the kiss because I was a little embarrassed that it happened--and that I wasn't more excited about it, or something. She would have made me even more aware of the cheap-ness of it, too. Totally deserved, such a let down.
But that was that. We ended up dating for a good 5 months for really no good reason. I didn't even like him that much, and he definitely didn't like me that much. He only dated me because he knew I didn't really date-- and thought I was dumb enough to let him get into my pants with no effort (otherwise known as 'an easy lay'). I was shy and inexperienced and maybe a little naive at first, but not an idiot. Eventually it just got old and I was tired of letting myself get taken advantage of (after I realized it turned into 'one of those things' where the 'fun' wasn't necessarily justifiable anymore) But it was fun, for the most part. A learning experience, if you will. I'm so glad I didn't sleep with him, though. Good lord.
Anyway, I could probably go on about that train wreck, but I wont. Though, I will say that I didn't really understand what good kissing was until recently. Feeling for someone makes it such a different experience.
----------------
I've never been in love.
Love. Sometimes I feel like that word is so foreign to me I'll never get a handle on what it means. But I'm getting closer.
I didn't have my first kiss 'til I was 15 or 16, while most of my normally or otherwise well-socialized friends had already dated. Nope, not me. I spent a good chunk of my life thinking there was something wrong with me, physically or otherwise because no one would ever bother. I still have this problem from time to time.
My first kiss was kind of awful, actually.
It was my first 'real date' with my first (soon to be) 'real' boyfriend, David. We had been hanging out a while before then, otherwise I would have been completely mortified by his forward-ness (and over-eagerness). I pretty much don't do first-date kissing, that just doesn't happen unless it's a phenomenal first date (and im not a nervous wreck). And it wasn't that good of a date.
The kiss was too scripted, too expected: your standard at-the-door-good night kiss. I was nervous, but only because it was my first kiss, otherwise I was perfectly fine. I remember hopping into my mom's bed after I got home to tell her how it went, but I didn't tell her about the kiss because I was a little embarrassed that it happened--and that I wasn't more excited about it, or something. She would have made me even more aware of the cheap-ness of it, too. Totally deserved, such a let down.
But that was that. We ended up dating for a good 5 months for really no good reason. I didn't even like him that much, and he definitely didn't like me that much. He only dated me because he knew I didn't really date-- and thought I was dumb enough to let him get into my pants with no effort (otherwise known as 'an easy lay'). I was shy and inexperienced and maybe a little naive at first, but not an idiot. Eventually it just got old and I was tired of letting myself get taken advantage of (after I realized it turned into 'one of those things' where the 'fun' wasn't necessarily justifiable anymore) But it was fun, for the most part. A learning experience, if you will. I'm so glad I didn't sleep with him, though. Good lord.
Anyway, I could probably go on about that train wreck, but I wont. Though, I will say that I didn't really understand what good kissing was until recently. Feeling for someone makes it such a different experience.
----------------
I've never been in love.
Love. Sometimes I feel like that word is so foreign to me I'll never get a handle on what it means. But I'm getting closer.
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