Day 05-A day you thought about ending your life

I've encountered this question on a bullet-point list every week for a month when I was doing group therapy. It was a way to rate progress and depression and other fun things and usually had a scale from 0-5.  
Is it normal to think about this? I sometimes wonder how many people spend time on it.

I really don't like this question, and I'm not sure how to articulate 'my thoughts' on this subject. This is also a touchy subject for me and I tend to avoid touchy subjects. But I guess it has some personal significance or whatever so I can dedicate a post to it.

I remember the first time I seriously talked about the topics of death and suicide with my mom. . We were talking about when her dad died when she was 15, and she showed me a small scar on her wrist. Sometimes I wish we didn't have that conversation, that I wasn't introduced to that level of darkness and grief in such a personal way; but I remember at the time I was touched that she told me-- grateful for the trust in our relationship. 

When she talked about him I could sense a change in her voice and in her face. I think she lost her childhood too soon, and being able to physically see that sense of loss was overwhelming. That was the first time I saw her as a person and not just my mom. I was sad for her and proud of her and terrified of the possibility.

I wish I wasn't the type to get overwhelmed easily, and stress out when I shouldn't, or think so badly of myself that I need what seems like constant positive re-enforcement. I wish I was one of those 'happy types'. But that's where I am right now, for whatever reason. I feel like I'm in a state of re-building, but sometimes I also feel like I'm starting my life, or starting over. And I can fix the things I want or need to.

In short, honestly sometimes I think it would certainly be easier to just stop existing or something (life is hard, we know!). To hit pause at the very least. But it doesn't work that way.  And I have a lot going for me.