Day 04-Views on religion
This is something I usually don't spend time thinking about. And I definitely can't speak much about "religion", so I won 't. Just Judaism, maybe.
I am by no means religious, but every once in a while I have moments where I wish I were "more jewish" (whatever that means). Mostly, I want to believe in something like I know my brother does.
When we were little my brother and I went to shul every weekend. We were like little celebrities there. And I remember being really into it. Eventually those feelings faded a bit, I stopped looking forward to going, and no longer appreciated the "I remember when you were this big" conversations. I think I also really hated being compared to my brother. Mostly I grew tired of having to hear all the things that I needed to fix about myself or my appearance or my behavior week-to-week from my lovely nana, who cared a little too much about what people think.
Temple became less about prayer and more about display and insincere conversations with people whose names I forget, and I hate that. I also didn't know how to play into it (as a means of survival) and I definitely wasn't good at faking it.
Now I have only had brief moments every now and there where I fill up with....this feeling of knowing and caring and hope. A sense of calm. And these moments only happened when I am actively praying with a group of equally/ probably-more-involved people. (the major time is when I was in Israel, so that probably had something to do with it.)
I have issues with the rules and codes of conduct and sometimes-backwards way of doing things, but the sense of community is what stands out to me when I think about Judaism. A sense of pride and solidarity. That's what I miss about Judaism--that's what I like about my brother's way of life, however 'extreme' it seems.
I am by no means religious, but every once in a while I have moments where I wish I were "more jewish" (whatever that means). Mostly, I want to believe in something like I know my brother does.
When we were little my brother and I went to shul every weekend. We were like little celebrities there. And I remember being really into it. Eventually those feelings faded a bit, I stopped looking forward to going, and no longer appreciated the "I remember when you were this big" conversations. I think I also really hated being compared to my brother. Mostly I grew tired of having to hear all the things that I needed to fix about myself or my appearance or my behavior week-to-week from my lovely nana, who cared a little too much about what people think.
Temple became less about prayer and more about display and insincere conversations with people whose names I forget, and I hate that. I also didn't know how to play into it (as a means of survival) and I definitely wasn't good at faking it.
Now I have only had brief moments every now and there where I fill up with....this feeling of knowing and caring and hope. A sense of calm. And these moments only happened when I am actively praying with a group of equally/ probably-more-involved people. (the major time is when I was in Israel, so that probably had something to do with it.)
I have issues with the rules and codes of conduct and sometimes-backwards way of doing things, but the sense of community is what stands out to me when I think about Judaism. A sense of pride and solidarity. That's what I miss about Judaism--that's what I like about my brother's way of life, however 'extreme' it seems.
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