Walls.

Symptoms of 'the wall':

I just dont look forward to my day. I have no motivation to do anything.
I go to sleep happy and enjoy my nights (which is definitely new-nights used to destroy my soul), but when I wake up I almost dread everything I have to do, which isn't anything of difficulty I can tell you that.


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I'm having kind of a bad week. Well, actually it's been a bad week and a half--thank you stress, money problems, health concerns, and constant pain! I think I hit my emotional-resilience-wall. It hasn't been around in a long time, but it's making a comeback.
Not to jump to any conclusions or anything, but I'm a little worried. And my inner dialogue looks something like this:



It'll pass it'll pass it'll pass it'll pass. please pass please please please please. 
please?




I mean, this is nothing new. I'm prone to funks, it's really no big deal. I get bored with routine and sort of find things pointless and boring for a while and then I come out of it. It's just that sometimes it takes me a lot longer to snap back.
I'm only afraid that this will stick; and that I'll be magically teleported to junior year-- where almost every day seemed like a challenge just to function. And worst of all didn't know what to do or how to help myself and I just wanted it to stop.

Things are better. I'm so happy....But I still worry that I'm going to be this person that's always stuck.

I think a lot of it lately is that I'm lonely. I spend most of the day by myself, 'reading' or otherwise procrastinating. I miss my friends. I miss Melissa. And I guess that's normal. It's okay that I'm just not so good at 'alone'. Right?

(Also i worry that my 'happiness' is dependent on other peopleabout putting too many burdens on one person. It's hard to take and it seems kind of unfair to do....But that's a different rant for a different time. maybe.)

Things will be fine. I just need to re-group.