Pardon, continued..

Am I really not dedicated to anything?
I feel like I haven't really thrown myself into this --invested-- in this 'future' i've (started to) pick out for myself.

Where are the ideas? where are the thoughts? interests?
anything??

I look at Emily and she's got this. A foundation, principals, a taste of her own. Direction. Not that I'm completely without, but I don't have enough of it to use it to guide me--at all.

Back to feeling lost. And I can't deal w/ this on top of everything else I'm trying to figure out right now.

So what am I going to do? I need to read. read.read.read. But I can't even bring myself to do that.

(maybe first I should calm down)