Full Circle

Sarah, remember that one time you got a free bottle of wine and a massage as you were drunkenly venting about your personal life to Amanda and a few new friends at the bar at Veritas? 

(It was probably one of my favorite nights this summer.)

Houston, we have a problem.

I remember in college I would talk about my sexuality whenever I got drunk, without fail. Everyfuckintime. And I got drunk a lot. It was how I finally got to a comfortable enough place to even admit to myself that I had a problem that I wasn't dealing with. Otherwise known as a healthy mix of fear, confusion, and possible self-loathing. NBD.

Granted, I made my "problems" public while drunkenly entertaining the people around me, but that's okay, it worked for me. It was kind of awesome most of the time, actually.

Lately it seems I have been doing [a modified version of] the exactly same thing.

It's finally at this point. And it has been for a while now.......Lightbulb!!

I don't actually know if it's ever socially acceptable to drunkenly share your personal life/ angst/frustration/ sheer desperation with other drunk people you just met in a way that will actually be well-received. It probably is, I just feel weird about the fact that I do it so freely (healthy?)

Luckily I have good friends...who also have good friends who make good drunken acquaintances in moments like these. And give great massages.

In my defense, I can't fully be held responsible because the topic usually comes up organically and then it just uncontrollably spews out of me in a salty wave of tears and hysteria. Which actually might be worse than if I keep bringing it up, who knows.

I suppose my point to all of this is:
I couldn't ignore things in college, when I almost drowned in my self-loathing and confusion, and I can't keep ignoring things now...even though I'm trying my hardest to do so.