Dont look at me!

My "I'm gross, let's not draw attention to that" mentality is a huge part of my tendency to "not want to be looked at". It's also why I can't take compliments or make eye contact. I think maybe the reason it makes me uncomfortable is because...I'm waiting for you to one day decide you don't like what you see [in the way that I do]. I forget that not everyone sees all the horrible things that I see.
 Maybe.

Hopefully one day I'll get over it. And maybe that will be the same day my self-worth gets an upgrade from next-to-nothing to normal-health-levels. Believe it or not I'm working on it, and actually it's not fair to say it's next to nothing; it's just sometimes I have trouble keeping it going...and sometimes I shut down a little bit. But it'll be okay.

Otherwise life is good, and I'm spending my Saturday realizing that I don't really want to spend time with anyone else right now, even though I could.
And that also kind of concerns me? Well, not really. It's a good thing. But I would like to think I am one of those I'm-my-own-person significant others. So I'm still trying to navigate finding a balance with things like that.

Mostly I'm just feeling angsty and bad about myself x100. It happens. It'll pass.