old habits die hard

It's probably not good for my 'psychological healing' or whatever to write this stuff, but oh well.


Sometimes all I see when I look in the mirror is chubby (and that's being nice).
I don't see strength or muscle or shape; I don't see arms or a waist; I just see size.
something unattractive and undesirable.


But! These thoughts like these are much less frequent now. thank god, because it's absolutely exhausting.