People Can Change.

You'll be okay.
You're not your parents or the 'poor kid' or the sum of your non-funds
or your negative thoughts you carry around in a loosely woven wool satchel around your shoulders.
A lumpy grey with orange inlay.... and scratchy on the side that hasn't been worn in.
It hurts to wear it but you can't take it off.

You never really had Dreams for yourself for one reason or another
and probably a dozen more.
Because you saw your parents settle.
Because you saw them every day Give Up.
On themselves, each other, and maybe sometimes you. On finding that thing..... And you thought that's how life is supposed to be.
But it isn't.
Because you got really good at seeing the negative while the positive played hide and seek with other kids around the corner.

You used to be good at school but a little unhappy with life and yourself and now school is an obligation, and a costy one at that. A piece of paper you don't see the value in.
The Promise. Possibility. Potential.
It's delicate so you put it in a frame to make it special.

But maybe it's okay to start with small dreams that build into big ones... Like love. That's pretty big.
and like and excitement and 'look I wrote- made- DID- this.'

You'll be okay.

But sometimes I'm afraid
that what I carry around has become more like an anchor than a bag
Because I can't seem to let it go.