Dogs and houses and other white-picket things that usually translate into hetero-normative suburbanite happiness that I just call...."commitment"
I don't know why I'm still thinking about this...Whatever "this" is. (Hopefully it's not 'freak you out' material.)
Maybe it's because this weekend I've had multiple people, though jokingly, mention things that in my mind are far-away "next step-I'm settled in life-real adult" type of things.
Strange.
I don't think of things like rings and owning pets and having a mortgage as things that exist in my immediate future. (though I do WANT a house/apt! And a kitchen! Someday). It's too.....far away. And probably a little terrifying and weird to me.
More importantly, these things don't mean 'committed relationship' to me. I decided that was a thing a long time ago.They don't mean "we're going to stay together", either. Though I'm sort of hoping that exists in its own right. Because that's what I know to be true. I feel the "we're staying together". It's a truth without having a thing to represent it.
And honestly, that's all I really need to know.
What's my point here? I'm not sure. I think I started thinking about things in terms of, like, why I'm hung up on 'real jobs' and why I sometimes feel bad about being a slave to the minimum wage and about "what I want" ....and this whole 'growing up' thing and doing it with someone else and yourself simultaneously. Or something.
Yea.
And I probably got a little freaked out by all this suburban-settling-down-nuclear family crap at a young age. What's that about?!
Anyway. Eventually....
I want a salary, not a wage. I want health insurance and possibility for advancement and creativity and interaction with people.
I want something that let's me have some free time at the end of the day; weekends and vacation days; a little money so I can take trips to the Virgin Islands or NYC or Toronto or Europe or wherever. So we can be disgustingly cute in new places. So I can have memories in these new places.
So here we have the common thread. I never really want "things". It's not about things. I've never been about things. That's probably the only reason my poverty hasn't driven me bat-shit or completely enraged me (until recently, maybe...oops).
It's about....some freedom and possibility? That's why I want a "real job".
And this "real adult" and "adult relationship" business.......I think just means moving forward. together. Figuring it out. Support. Not things. We're already doing it.
Yep, that's all I got. Talk about unfinished, incoherent thoughts.
Maybe it's because this weekend I've had multiple people, though jokingly, mention things that in my mind are far-away "next step-I'm settled in life-real adult" type of things.
Strange.
I don't think of things like rings and owning pets and having a mortgage as things that exist in my immediate future. (though I do WANT a house/apt! And a kitchen! Someday). It's too.....far away. And probably a little terrifying and weird to me.
More importantly, these things don't mean 'committed relationship' to me. I decided that was a thing a long time ago.They don't mean "we're going to stay together", either. Though I'm sort of hoping that exists in its own right. Because that's what I know to be true. I feel the "we're staying together". It's a truth without having a thing to represent it.
And honestly, that's all I really need to know.
What's my point here? I'm not sure. I think I started thinking about things in terms of, like, why I'm hung up on 'real jobs' and why I sometimes feel bad about being a slave to the minimum wage and about "what I want" ....and this whole 'growing up' thing and doing it with someone else and yourself simultaneously. Or something.
Yea.
And I probably got a little freaked out by all this suburban-settling-down-nuclear family crap at a young age. What's that about?!
Anyway. Eventually....
I want a salary, not a wage. I want health insurance and possibility for advancement and creativity and interaction with people.
I want something that let's me have some free time at the end of the day; weekends and vacation days; a little money so I can take trips to the Virgin Islands or NYC or Toronto or Europe or wherever. So we can be disgustingly cute in new places. So I can have memories in these new places.
So here we have the common thread. I never really want "things". It's not about things. I've never been about things. That's probably the only reason my poverty hasn't driven me bat-shit or completely enraged me (until recently, maybe...oops).
It's about....some freedom and possibility? That's why I want a "real job".
And this "real adult" and "adult relationship" business.......I think just means moving forward. together. Figuring it out. Support. Not things. We're already doing it.
Yep, that's all I got. Talk about unfinished, incoherent thoughts.
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