The problems with under-development

I don't think I've been really engaged for a long time. 

Not just emotionally, it's not about that, but intellectually. My memory sucks and I feel slow to make connections. 

.....

I've been scared to fail--maybe I always have been and that's what holds me back at a growing rate. 

Fail. What does that mean?

It's not about grades (like it was in science-land). It's about not being smart enough, insightful enough, good enough. 

I feel like I can't stand on my own feet, and that's why I have to compare myself to others.