just in need of a sudden unstable outburst, nbd.

So..a less than satisfactory performance..which led to an email...led to a flood of like, deep-seeded smallness.

I dont even know how to describe how I feel right now. Neither do I know why, it seems completely ridiculous and self-destructive.

Deep feeling at the pit of my stomach. Close the shades and block the light.

like I've literally sunken into the floor.

with a kind of... worthlessness or ineffectualness that no one should feel about his/herself.

I dont understand where this weight of inadequacy and self-doubt keeps coming from---and it seems to be getting worse? Well, right now anyway.

ugh.