Holidays & Chumsas

Now that there is silence I appreciate the sound I never once liked.
Ringing-
At least once a week.
I took it for granted when you called. But you always did.
Now I don't have to worry about that sound-
There's never anyone on the other line.

On bad days it makes you feel unwanted, irrelevant. On good days I find myself simply..wanting. Almost waiting, though I know there's no use.

I wonder if you know?
How much I miss you.
How much I hate that I I had to distance myself in order to feel less shame.
To hide from the shame I felt on my own.

I could never talk about these things with you.
I miss you and the phone calls I always let ring.