Is there such a thing as role model couples?

Not too long ago I asked Beth how she knew she wanted to marry Bill. Not because I was flat-out ready to propose.......just, to know, to hear it from someone who is a seasoned happily-married-person. 

Sometimes I am so sure I can understand why many of my 22 year old friends are zipping up and walking down aisles throwing flowers at people.

At the same time, though, it seems so stupid. It's so hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of "starting a life" with someone at such a young age.... two people changing together over the years and making it work.

 It's a terrifying notion to think love doesn't always last. 

I've been wondering why this Bill and Beth thing has put me in such a bad mood. It's because of that fear. I'm so upset and enraged, for obvious reasons. But it's more than that. It's because I whole-heartedly believed her when she told me about their relationship. It was one of the most adorable things I have ever seen. So encouraging and uplifting. I believed the look on her face and how her voice changed when she talked about him and "how she knew".

Maybe it's because I thought they were Good. Proof of something working. Proof that two people can grow and change together, especially during your 20's and 30's.

I don't know, I'm not saying that I think everyone is doomed to fail. Or, I suppose more specifically, that my relationship is doomed to fail. I just ...I don't like feeling like what I saw and felt and heard during that conversation was just an illusion. Something true that is quickly turning into a memory she will look back on when she thinks about a huge chunk of her life.

 I'm perfectly okay with chalking this up to  me putting pressure on my  life and relationship . It's totally fine to be unsure of "the future", and, well, to be terrified of it sometimes.

 But to know that I want a future with someone is pretty fucking awesome. 

I just need to hold onto that a little bit more.