If you get through the wall, you get a shitload of talking (and whining). Otherwise known as, somebody please tell me when to shut the hell up!

You know those early-relationship jitters... worries that maybe you're into it (aka the other person/relationship) much more than he/she is... that make you talk so much, divulge too much, say too much? 

Even now, I think to a certain extent I feel a weird mutated version of this question, but have been too scared to bring it up or admit it to myself. Obviously the concern isn't "Do you like me? angstangstangst" but....something else. Something less teenagery. Something rooted in uncertainty and transition. It's not a bad thing, but it still fills me with nerves somehow. I'm pretty certain that's what it is, to a minor degree anyhow.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Oddly enough, I'm a talker. I'm also horribly and annoyingly indecisive, a worrier, a huge dweller, and it's far too easy for me to feel guilty about things if they directly involve/could potentially harm you in some way. Ask anyone-if you make it past the walls -or even dismantle them, as you have so skillfully done- you get a whole hell of a lot of talking.
Actually, this only really applies to 5 other people (2 of them being my sister and mom), but you can bet they have had their share of my whining. Though, admittedly, you might get more than you bargained for. The motherload. Unprecedented levels of 'feelings-time' and hand-holding. It surprised me too.

Unfortunately, talking is how I cope with things and.... also to get a feel for what you're feeling. (huge lightbulb moment, I know!)
I talk because I care. Because I'm invested. Because I want to be supportive and am super proud, even though maybe I don't show as much support as you need (?).

Talking is also my way of reading things. Mostly...I think I just want to feel involved--to know/feel like you want to talk to me like I always want to talk to you.  (In this case, it's more a general sense of involved-in-your-life than sharing a conversation over coffee. Who cares!)
Dumb, right? I know. I feel dumber just for stringing that sentence together. But there it is.
(This isn't an implication...just a shedding of my insecurities. How ritualistic.) It's funny how insecurities and walls and your awesome stupid-crazy love for someone else can make you....stupid and crazy?

I recognize that there are a lot of other general elements as well. For example, I feel really disconnected from a lot of people and things in my life. So..overcompensating? Maybe? And the obvious fact that I'm scared.
If I were a mid-life crisis-ed man, I'd probably be buying a motorcycle right about now. Or a vespa! Dodged that bullet, eh?

I truly, genuinely like talking to you and hearing about how things are going. Even if I can't contribute and have nothing of value to say and nothing 'that happened' today. (I'll try to not let this make me feel bad..hasn't been going too well so far.)

This is where I lose my focus. But, sort of my note-to-self: I think I need to focus on keeping my shit my shit. These are basically some reasons why I haven't done that/have trouble with this concept thus far.

......sharing is caring?