throwing in the towel.
I can't help but feel a little shame in being poor.
I don't know why. Maybe it's from being called the poor kid more than once in my adolescent and adult life; maybe it's from always being surrounded by upper middle class peers that don't appreciate what they have; maybe its not ever really having health insurance or 'nice things' or growing up around money-related-stress and then not dealing with it all too well as an adult; maybe its knowing that I'm kind of screwed for a little while until I figure things out and get on my feet. Maybe it's just bitterness.
Maybe it's all of these things. But right now it's about wanting to do something nice with you/for you/ but all I can do is say "yes I want to go" and then go back and forth and dish out maybe's and "ehhhh..."s because I know that I could never afford to do it despite wanting to.
Ive never been one to pick "fun" for-me things over things I need to spend money on. And I want to be able to, just a few times.
I'm just sick of it.
I don't know why. Maybe it's from being called the poor kid more than once in my adolescent and adult life; maybe it's from always being surrounded by upper middle class peers that don't appreciate what they have; maybe its not ever really having health insurance or 'nice things' or growing up around money-related-stress and then not dealing with it all too well as an adult; maybe its knowing that I'm kind of screwed for a little while until I figure things out and get on my feet. Maybe it's just bitterness.
Maybe it's all of these things. But right now it's about wanting to do something nice with you/for you/ but all I can do is say "yes I want to go" and then go back and forth and dish out maybe's and "ehhhh..."s because I know that I could never afford to do it despite wanting to.
Ive never been one to pick "fun" for-me things over things I need to spend money on. And I want to be able to, just a few times.
I'm just sick of it.
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