Broken

"This is how my community does things".

My community.
If I hear that one more time I think I'm going to be sick. Yes, your community--your life. I understand what that means. I understand the life you've chosen. I accept it, I can appreciate it. I have absolutely no problem with it. But what I don't understand why we have no place in it. Why is it so easy for you to throw away your old family? How can you not see how it hurts? Disregarding everyone in this family isn't right.

Im going to my brother's engagement party next week to meet his fiance, friends, and members of his community. I finally spoke with him yesterday... We used to be so close. We were there for each other when my parents weren't.

Now I feel like we're complete strangers.

Each time we speak, it's like our previous conversations have gotten us nowhere. He assumes to know me, still thinks I am the same person I was 3 years ago, (when perhaps we spoke every month or every few weeks as opposed to maybe once or twice a year), and treats me as such. But the thing is, I'm not the same person I was a few years ago. Just like I have no idea about his life, he has no idea what I've been through recently, the sometimes-constant turmoil i feel about myself and things that have happened. Why I need his friendship. Or even why I am uncomfortable coming to him for anything.

I fear that the distance between us has become too large to mend.

I don't know how this is going to play out--or even how I am supposed to behave or dress, but I am willing to try. Maybe something good will come of it.