its about value.
I looked up "pessimism" online. This was the least annoying, more accurate choice.
I wasn't expecting to still be waiting and looking 3+ months later....that I would also be the guy to get the interview call-back a week after applying, that my 'skills' and work experience or whatever would be good enough for something, too. That I would be good enough for something, too. This apply to a million different (mostly crap) jobs and hear nothing back from employers nonsense isn't my cup of tea. It's dissatisfying and disheartening. And most of them aren't even good jobs to begin with!
I was expecting to find a (decent) job that pays, instead of finding an (albeit awesome!) job-hobby-hybrid that is on-the-side of the fake job that makes me feel incompetent and less than small most days.
I was kind of expecting 'a break'. Maybe even unrealistically more of a 'shoe-in' or something falling into my lap, at least in the beginning.
Deep down, though, I think I always kind of expected that things wouldn't work out for me.
I lose faith [in myself] very easily-and its hard for me to get it back. I know outside circumstances shouldn't dictate my self-image so much, but they do and they probably always have. I think the difference is that I used to be the one things work out for. The one that 'was going somewhere'. Now I feel like the 'you'll figure it out' kid that people secretly worry about.
Pessimism.
the tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only bad or undesirable outcomes, results, conditions, problems, etc.
I wasn't expecting to still be waiting and looking 3+ months later....that I would also be the guy to get the interview call-back a week after applying, that my 'skills' and work experience or whatever would be good enough for something, too. That I would be good enough for something, too. This apply to a million different (mostly crap) jobs and hear nothing back from employers nonsense isn't my cup of tea. It's dissatisfying and disheartening. And most of them aren't even good jobs to begin with!
I was expecting to find a (decent) job that pays, instead of finding an (albeit awesome!) job-hobby-hybrid that is on-the-side of the fake job that makes me feel incompetent and less than small most days.
I was kind of expecting 'a break'. Maybe even unrealistically more of a 'shoe-in' or something falling into my lap, at least in the beginning.
Deep down, though, I think I always kind of expected that things wouldn't work out for me.
I lose faith [in myself] very easily-and its hard for me to get it back. I know outside circumstances shouldn't dictate my self-image so much, but they do and they probably always have. I think the difference is that I used to be the one things work out for. The one that 'was going somewhere'. Now I feel like the 'you'll figure it out' kid that people secretly worry about.
Pessimism.
Comments
Post a Comment